So. There’s a little black cloud following me round today.
Today is the 20th anniversary of my mum’s death. I don’t talk about it online every year, but twenty years is a really, really long time (yesterday I found a comment from 2005 where I said nine years felt like a long time!) and I felt like I needed to mention it. It’s been on my mind all week.
I miss her a lot, and it has been such a long time that these days I am mostly just sad that she didn’t get to see how Bex and I grew up, she didn’t get to see what we’ve done with our lives, she didn’t get to see her grandchildren. I know she would be proud of us, though.
It’s an odd anniversary to have at our ages, it’s not the kind of thing that people expect, and it’s difficult to know what to say about it (especially to people who don’t know, which will include some people reading this, because there is no subtle way to tell people that your mum died when you were 14 and your sister was 10). It’s a heavy thing to bring into a conversation, even if you’re mostly okay because it has been years and years and years.
It’s also difficult because it changed everything, it wasn’t expected and if she hadn’t died when she did, our lives would look entirely different today. So different I can’t even guess where we would be.
I’m not going to go, but I just wanted to say that her death was devastating, but one thing it taught me was not to take people for granted. Make sure that the people you care about know that you care, and be kind. The world is a miserable enough place as it is, and you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, so sometimes all you can do is try to improve the lives of the people around you.
Love to you all xx