One more ride I can't explain
Summary: He can't stop thinking about what he did
Today is the 20th anniversary of my mum’s death. I don’t talk about it online every year, but twenty years is a really, really long time (yesterday I found a comment from 2005 where I said nine years felt like a long time!) and I felt like I needed to mention it. It’s been on my mind all week.
I miss her a lot, and it has been such a long time that these days I am mostly just sad that she didn’t get to see how Bex and I grew up, she didn’t get to see what we’ve done with our lives, she didn’t get to see her grandchildren. I know she would be proud of us, though.
It’s an odd anniversary to have at our ages, it’s not the kind of thing that people expect, and it’s difficult to know what to say about it (especially to people who don’t know, which will include some people reading this, because there is no subtle way to tell people that your mum died when you were 14 and your sister was 10). It’s a heavy thing to bring into a conversation, even if you’re mostly okay because it has been years and years and years.
It’s also difficult because it changed everything, it wasn’t expected and if she hadn’t died when she did, our lives would look entirely different today. So different I can’t even guess where we would be.
I’m not going to go, but I just wanted to say that her death was devastating, but one thing it taught me was not to take people for granted. Make sure that the people you care about know that you care, and be kind. The world is a miserable enough place as it is, and you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, so sometimes all you can do is try to improve the lives of the people around you.
Love to you all xx
Emmerdale thoughts from yesterday:
OMG I HATE EMMA AND DR BAILEY SO MUCH.
God, Emma is the WOOOOOOORST. I was quite amused by Bailey dropping Emma in it, but he's still fucking awful. And so is Emma.
God I hope James leaves her properly.
However! Lawrence and Ronnie flirting over a digger being in gear was great. I don't want Bernice to be sad but it is so cute.
Also, Chas' bed is amazing.
Fucking Emma. Literally why does anyone in Emma's family ever, ever trust her with anything? Oh boo hoo, Emma, just fuck off.
Oh, poor Chas :( (don't go to Emma for help! She's the WOOOOOORST!)
Oh, Bernice :( :( :(
Oh, Lawrence, DUDE. Duuuuuuuuuuuude.
WHY DOES ANYONE LET EMMA DO ANYTHING????
How are Joanie and Zac going away on holiday when they have zero money and this has recently been a plot point? Why/how can they just dump Kyle on Cain when he has basically no relationship with the kid??? What is wrong with the people in this soap??
I have literally no clue why James even likes Emma, let alone reckons he loves her.
"I'll do anything for my family." REALLY, EMMA?
Jesus, and I thought I couldn't hate anyone as much as I hate Dr Bailey.
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?? Why is she staying, OH GOD? What is wrong with James?
Fucking hellllllllll, Emma.
OH FUCK OFF, LAWRENCE. Bloody hell, I am trying to be sympathetic, stop being a shit to Bernice.
In other TV news, Killjoys is back on the 1st of July, OH MY GOD. I can't wait (although I am not on board for at least one of the developments). I have yet to find any mention of Fancy even though the end of s1 clearly suggested he would be involved, and now I am quite worried he will just not be back and then I will be very, very sad. Pleeeeease don't let him be killed offscreen. I did read something today that said there is a bit of a time jump in the new series, so maybe he's just off back out in the world or something.
Apart from Killjoys stuff I've been writing terrible Emmerdale drawerfic in my head, so just be glad I've posted something half-sensible.I have also posted an ad on fivenights.com, but it hasn't been moderated yet. However if anyone's looking for a room to rent Mon-Fri in London, check out the Greenwich listings on the website from next week :D I am renting my spare room out to fund a trip to Japan which will be taking place next year. \o/ \o/ \o/ SUPER exciting but also very expensive.
However due to this I have either been a) painting or b) worn out, so I haven't really watched anything or been able to think about things to write or whatever (although I have been working on my Killjoys fic, little by little). I fully expect not to be able to lift my arms properly tomorrow.
I have helpfully just discovered that I didn't set Call the Midwife to record this week so I'll have to get it on iPlayer. :/ Excitingly, Vera is back this week but I haven't watched it yet. Oh and Jericho is actually turning into something quite intriguing, and has managed to wrongfoot me a couple of times.
This is quite a boring entry, but hopefully next time I'll have managed to get some pictures with a bit of daylight, so maybe next time will be more interesting!